If you have read our blogs you know that we are practicing psychotherapists who have taken our therapy insights into the work world through our business consulting company, G2 Solutions.
Today we are going to take a strategy that has been around in the therapy world for ages and see how it can be effectively applied in the work world.
Let's start with how it works in the psychotherapy office.
Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term “love languages” in his 1992 book, “The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” His concept was that the way we give and receive love in relationships can be categorized.
In a healthy relationship there are elements of each of the languages. No love language is better than another. What Dr. Chapman found is that for most of us there are one or two languages that resonate more than the others. Obviously, relationships are very complex, but this simple rubric provides a highly understandable tool that enhances communication and understanding.
Chapman’s five love languages are:
Words of affirmation: Verbal expressions of affection and encouragement. Saying “I love you” on a regular basis is the obvious example. It can also include commenting on how nice a new sweater looks or offering congratulations on a job well done.
Acts of service: Proactively carrying out tasks that make life easier. Cleaning the dishes without being asked is a perfect example.
Quality time: Consciously spending time with each other. This can be a formal date, or just hanging out binging a favorite show.
Receiving gifts: Tangible expressions of affection. It is not necessarily a purchased gift. It can be a small note tucked into someone’s lunch.
Physical touch: Intimate touch of a variety of types. It runs the gamut from holding hands to sexual connection.
Oftentimes couples come into our office and each person is operating out of their own love language rather than taking the time to understand their partner’s language. We have found that the love languages offer a shorthand that lets couples immediately start understanding how they can improve their relationships. Attempting to meet their loved ones’ needs based on their partner’s love language can lead to more meaningful communication and actions, resulting in deeper connection.
Let's give you an example.
Say hello to our couple, Fred and Ginger.
Fred values acts of service. He feels cared for when things are fixed around the house or an errand is run.
Ginger is a words of affirmation type. The verbal expressions of love are what makes her feel secure.
If Fred is running around doing acts of service for Ginger, but not telling her he loves her, his actions can fall flat. Similarly, if Ginger is whispering sweet nothings into Fred’s ear, but never taking out the trash, Fred may not feel as loved. Both Fred and Ginger can feel like they are working really hard on the relationship and feel frustrated that their actions are not appreciated.
When couples understand each other's love languages, they can modify their behavior to be more meaningful to their partner. So Fred can add some ‘I love yous' to the day and Ginger can offer to take a chore off Fred’s plate.
Okay, so hopefully these insights can help you in your relationships, but we promised to show you how this can be applied in the workplace. In the workplace, think about the love languages as modes to express appreciation. In our next blog, we will show you how each of these love languages can be translated in the work world resulting in a more satisfying work life.
Curious about your love language? Take the quiz at: